Tag Archive: Ponderings


Habitual Nature


Acting is the most personal of our crafts. The make-up of a human being – his physical, mental and emotional habits – influence his acting to a much greater extent than commonly recognized.
Lee Strasberg
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So I was sitting in my Spanish class today thinking about human habits. Now, it’s not an odd thing for me to be avoiding actually listening to the Spanish lecture to opt for a more fun thought wave. But that’s not necessarily why I was thinking of this then. You’d have to see the way we sit to understand this.

I’m not sure how other Spanish classes are set up, but for mine, there are about seven rows of three pushed up against one wall, and seven rows of three pushed up against the opposite wall, facing each other. We were allowed to choose where we sit.

In my first semester this year we were segregated straight down the middle, boys by the window wall, girls by the door. But even within these sections there were splits by how they set themselves up, based more on personality and friends. Now, in my second semester, our class was split in a more complex way, which was made abundantly clear on valentines day. My side? nothing. Not one valentine. The other? Tons.

So yes, basically we split by popularity. Our side made light of this by labeling ourselves the ‘forever alone’ side. Coincidentally, most of us have tumblrs, and though we might not hang out in our day to day life, during that one period of the day, we are a united, fully functions nerd herd.

I love the people in my Spanish class. Even the other side is amusing. One half is the guys, which are mostly made of the the trouble makers, but the funny ones, and the other half consists of the preppy girls. There is no end to the stories I could tell you from that class alone, but that is a story for another post.

In my English class, the room is structured similarly, and we sat ourselves in an order of my group, the quiet girls, the preps, the loudmouths, and then onto the trouble makers. Group discussions are pretty one-sided. Pun intended.

At lunch, we all find ourselves sprinkled amongst the school. My group either eats on the hillside outside, when it’s nice, or on the floor by the heater near the office when it’s not. The same outside groups always sitting around us in their usual places.

During assemblies, you see this pattern setting in as to where we always sit. Based, again, on groups. Now, I should mention that our school isn’t radically divided. But we still have our normal groups, that appear in all school settings.

My point is guys, that when left up to our own devices, we will choose to turn to the familiar, the comfortable. And why wouldn’t we? It’s so ingrained in us that that’s we’re we belong that it is downright scary to go against that.

And it isn’t just in school settings that I see this. It’s everywhere. From buses, parks, and pools, to my job, and coffee shops and even grocery stores. We interact with those who seem the closest to what we have always known.

I have trouble with this at my church especially. It’s a college church, and I attend with my sister. She knows people there, has friends in the congregation, while I… do not. I find myself constantly blending into the background, keeping my trap shut and hovering near my sisters group. I am not my sister, by any means. Her group is not like my own. I almost constantly keep up this feeling of being an outsider. So uncomfortable. Nothing changes when I do this, the uncomfortableness has just become a thing of normalcy.

The question I’d like to pose to ya’ll is how are we ever supposed to experience anything new if we never break from our self determined packs and habits? Sure we have fun together, but how often is that fun really that great? I know my group has become so comfortable with one another that we’ve run out of things to talk about. Lunch periods are rather boring sometimes. But we keep coming back because that’s what we’re used to.

Haven’t the greatest memories, that are story worthy been from those times that we were hurled into the unknown? Curiosity and wonder are natural, and good, but so often we suppress these for familiarity’s sake. Life is not about security. We should be taking chances, changing things up, making mistakes. Nothing would ever be accomplished, no new inventions would be notable if someone hadn’t have stepped out of their personal comfort zone to chase the uncertain path of their thoughts and ideas.

So I pose a challenge to you readers. Try to do at least one uncomfortable thing this week. Whether it be talking to a stranger, sitting in a new area, or simply trying a new restaurant, activity, or outfit style. What ever you want, just go out of the way to reject the ordinary. You may be surprised by the results.

Through my Eyes

That’s all for now. So until next time, Keep on Dreaming &*)

~Rose


I don’t know much about creative writing programs. But they’re not telling the truth if they don’t teach, one, that writing is hard work, and, two, that you have to give up a great deal of life, your personal life, to be a writer.
Doris Lessing
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Okay, so it’s not summer yet, for me at least. I still have another week and a half, but as I mentioned yesterday, I have begun training for my summer job. We didn’t meet at the pool yesterday, but at our local recreational center. Personally I find meeting there a bit strange for the center, nestled behind the local middle school, is a know hangout for drug addicts of all kinds. But whatever. I wrote a quick, on the fly poem about the experience:

Six strangers

Thrown together in a room

Forced onto the solitary

Half moon couch.

Just enough space between

So they won’t touch

Still

Too close for comfort

Fiddling awkwardly with

Their pens; trying to listen

To the pair up front

How is it

That soon

They will spend

Nearly everyday

Together?

Honestly, other than the slight awkwardness, it wasn’t that bad. I only somewhat recognized two of them. One, a boy who has worked at the pool for years, and two, a girl in the grade below me. Mostly yesterday we went over the employee Manuel rules such as no smoking, drinking, PDA, eating the food for free, yada yada. Typical stuff. Our uniforms this year will consist of khakis, a lime green polo, and a deep red visor. I feel the need to break out in Christmas songs already. I’m kind of hoping they nix the visors.
I like my managers so far, though they are each others’ opposites. The girl is tall, perky, and a total drama kid (I know because she told me in the interview) so I felt an instant connection there. She seems really nice and open and is probably the one I will go to when I need help. The guy on the other hand is much more mellow. Except for a few quips here and there, he remained pretty much silent.He has the sort of dry sense of humor that I tend to like, but just like in the interview, I feel more apt to talk to the girl. She seems to be more in charge anyway.
There were only five of us there when I first arrived, all girls. The boy showed up a half hour late, and apparently there were four others who just didn’t  come at all. I have a feeling I will get plenty of hours this summer, considering my entire schedule is open. We are guaranteed twenty hours, and obtaining the rest will depend on our own actively searching to sub in for the other employees.
Today, I signed of for the two to four training shift in which we will begin cleaning the concessions side of things. I know that training is necessary, but I find myself wishing that it was already June seventh so I could start the actual job side of things. The two hour clips are merely teasers of what’s to come, and I am more than excited to jump in and get my hands dirty.
Needless to say, I feel like the majority of my social life will come from work. All this time at work will leave little left over for my writing, and I need my writing. I’ve gone without it before, and I do not want to go through that again. Writing in and of itself is work. It’s difficult to come up with appropriate words and actions and characters for a plot, but it’s a work that I truly love to do.
I’m glad that this is Memorial Day weekend because, despite my obvious lack of rest and sanity in the last week, I still have a lot to do, that for the most part I don’t want to. My science teacher extended the due date on those six posters to Tuesday, but I’ve yet to have a chance to even begin working on them. Then I have my Spanish Final Project which the teacher told us of two days ago and wants us to present on Tuesday, that forces us to act like we’re on a cooking show and show people how to make No Bake Cookies while having a memorized script with twenty negative and affirmative commands and twenty five vocabulary words (which is difficult because very few of the vocab words have anything to do with cooking). Between my project partner and I, we have each about a half a page of script to memorize. Plus we have a page of translations she wants done by Tuesday. Then I have about twenty Geometry problems to solve by Wednesday, and three essays for wellness due by Thursday. *sigh* I don’t know how I’m going to get it all done.
On top of this, I still desperately need to plot out my Camp Nano novel. Camp starts in six days and I have no idea how I’m going to manage that on top of everything else. I suppose though, that each time I jump into this train of literary abandon life is crazy, but I somehow always make it through. I mean, real life does not stop just because you want to write; you must make time or go without writing. I want writing to be my career one day, and the only way I can do this is to choose writing. It really is an either or; give it your all, or forget about it.
My friends do not understand this line of thinking. Whenever I respond to one of ‘let’s hangout’ texts with I’m busy writing, they always respond with ‘you’re always writing’. Well of course I’m always writing. The only way to improve at something is to practice a lot. I want to tell them that if I’m writing and I respond to or even notice that they have texted me that they are lucky. Somehow, I don’t feel like they would take that the right way. Seriously though, they should be used to it by now.
Through my Eyes
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Well that’s all for now guys. So until next time, Keep on Dreaming &*)
~Rose